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3 Things To Do When Friends Are Sniggering At Your Goals
3 Things To Do When Friends Are Sniggering At Your Goals
By Ellesse Chow
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Have you ever tried telling your friends about your dream or ambition only to get scoffed at that you’d never succeed? What were you feeling then? Hurt? Disillusioned?
Don’t be.
Because when you start feeling so, sooner or later you’d find yourself distracted from the big picture. Those lousy feelings are such time wasters! You’d spend every minute justifying what right did Mrs Brown have for judging you, when you could have used that time for working on your goal!
Instead of letting those negative feelings conquer your enthusiasm and eat up your motivation, here are 3 things that I’ve learned. It’s not omnipotent, but it’s something that has worked for me.
Stop
The moment you start getting negative surges, stop what you’re thinking. Yes, kill that little devil in your mind that’s saying :”Oh, they’re absolutely right. You won’t be able to make it. That goal is totally beyond your reach.” By stopping the flow of unwanted thoughts, you’re weeding out the noises that could be accidentally sent to the Universe. Remember, the Law of Attraction is unable to differentiate between good and bad intentions. Surely you don’t want to send the wrong message?
Ha. I got to practice this technique for the umpteenth time yesterday. I shared with a friend my plan to quit my job and embark on a business venture. Initially she was supportive. But when she knew that my goal was just to be “financially free” and not to become the next millionaire that Singapore is already inundated with, she said, trying to suppress a cynical smile “Nah, I thought you’d have loftier dreams than that. With your low monthly expenses, it should be quite easy to generate a passive income to cover.”
Unknowingly, I found myself jumping into a defensive mode. Deep inside my head, I was thinking “Yeah right, if you think that is easy, then do it and show me!” I was about to flare up when I suddenly remember the stop technique. Instantly, I stared into the distant background and her voice began to fade. I felt much calmer. Don’t worry. In the end, nothing “undesirable” happened. But it was indeed a close shave. Haha.
As you can see, the key to stopping your negative thoughts is to shift your focus. When you sense a sinking feeling on your chest, immediately channel your attention way from your ego. For me, I’ll usually turn my sight away from the person making the comments and peer into the background. It’s quite effective. But, what works for me may not be suitable for you, so you may want to explore other ways such as
* Changing The Subject Of Your Conversation. If he can’t talk about your goals, he can’t make you feel any worse than what is already going through your mind!
* Feeling Grateful He’s Taking The Time To Listen To You! When you’re grateful, you tend to uplift yourself from 1 state to another condition, deviating yourself away from the ego of your personal emotions to another level of consciousness.
Be Aware
On my way back home after yesterday session, I started to think through the dialogue with my friend.
Initially, there was a strong impulse to disagree with what she said, but as the awareness settled down, I realized that a lot of the discomfort stemmed from my own insecurity. Not her mincing words. Not her skeptical smile. Even though my mind was bent on leaving the job and breaking into new ground, the heart did not totally resonate. That inner incongruence resulted in a fragile exterior that got easily cracked under pressure. At the same time, I pondered about my external circumstances. Should I have even shared my goal with this particular friend whom I’d known to be quite a skeptic? Or should I have chosen instead to associate with pals holding similar positive ambitions?
Being aware is finding out the root cause of your discomfort. Ask yourself “Why am I feeling like this?”, “What’s affecting me?” and “What could I do to feel better” and start evaluating yourself from your internal thoughts to your external environment. Don’t fall into the trap of self denial by avoiding issues that involve connecting with your reality. Be completely truthful and get ready for the wonderful insights you’ll get from this exercise.
Take Control
Once you know what is the cause, resolve to keep it under control by taking action. If you know you’ll crumble under the negativity of skeptical people, kick them out of your life. Don’t feel remorseful about doing that. What’s the point of staying true to people who’s waiting for a chance to pounce on you and make snide remarks such as “See, I told you it won’t work” or “Sometimes, it’s better not to bite more than you can chew”? Start getting to know another bunch of friends who’ll encourage you and see you through the road of success. For example, if you’ve always wanted to author a book, participate in writing clubs that’ll hook you up with like minded folks, who’ll love to read and edit your drafts for you.
If you know that you’re feeling insecure of your goal because you can’t see where you’re heading towards, learn to draft out a goal plan and build up little morale boosters along the way. Talk to successful people who have been there, done that to get better visibility of what you can achieve. Watch self help videos, listen to motivational audios everyday to keep yourself uplifted.
As you strive to take control, you’ll notice a complete makeover of your internal constitution such that no cynical comments can seep through. And when you eventually succeed, it’s your turn to have the last laugh. Ha Ha Ha.
By Ellesse Chow
If you're new here and like what you read, you may want to subscribe and get these free bonuses. Thanks!
Have you ever tried telling your friends about your dream or ambition only to get scoffed at that you’d never succeed? What were you feeling then? Hurt? Disillusioned?
Don’t be.
Because when you start feeling so, sooner or later you’d find yourself distracted from the big picture. Those lousy feelings are such time wasters! You’d spend every minute justifying what right did Mrs Brown have for judging you, when you could have used that time for working on your goal!
Instead of letting those negative feelings conquer your enthusiasm and eat up your motivation, here are 3 things that I’ve learned. It’s not omnipotent, but it’s something that has worked for me.
Stop
The moment you start getting negative surges, stop what you’re thinking. Yes, kill that little devil in your mind that’s saying :”Oh, they’re absolutely right. You won’t be able to make it. That goal is totally beyond your reach.” By stopping the flow of unwanted thoughts, you’re weeding out the noises that could be accidentally sent to the Universe. Remember, the Law of Attraction is unable to differentiate between good and bad intentions. Surely you don’t want to send the wrong message?
Ha. I got to practice this technique for the umpteenth time yesterday. I shared with a friend my plan to quit my job and embark on a business venture. Initially she was supportive. But when she knew that my goal was just to be “financially free” and not to become the next millionaire that Singapore is already inundated with, she said, trying to suppress a cynical smile “Nah, I thought you’d have loftier dreams than that. With your low monthly expenses, it should be quite easy to generate a passive income to cover.”
Unknowingly, I found myself jumping into a defensive mode. Deep inside my head, I was thinking “Yeah right, if you think that is easy, then do it and show me!” I was about to flare up when I suddenly remember the stop technique. Instantly, I stared into the distant background and her voice began to fade. I felt much calmer. Don’t worry. In the end, nothing “undesirable” happened. But it was indeed a close shave. Haha.
As you can see, the key to stopping your negative thoughts is to shift your focus. When you sense a sinking feeling on your chest, immediately channel your attention way from your ego. For me, I’ll usually turn my sight away from the person making the comments and peer into the background. It’s quite effective. But, what works for me may not be suitable for you, so you may want to explore other ways such as
* Changing The Subject Of Your Conversation. If he can’t talk about your goals, he can’t make you feel any worse than what is already going through your mind!
* Feeling Grateful He’s Taking The Time To Listen To You! When you’re grateful, you tend to uplift yourself from 1 state to another condition, deviating yourself away from the ego of your personal emotions to another level of consciousness.
Be Aware
On my way back home after yesterday session, I started to think through the dialogue with my friend.
Initially, there was a strong impulse to disagree with what she said, but as the awareness settled down, I realized that a lot of the discomfort stemmed from my own insecurity. Not her mincing words. Not her skeptical smile. Even though my mind was bent on leaving the job and breaking into new ground, the heart did not totally resonate. That inner incongruence resulted in a fragile exterior that got easily cracked under pressure. At the same time, I pondered about my external circumstances. Should I have even shared my goal with this particular friend whom I’d known to be quite a skeptic? Or should I have chosen instead to associate with pals holding similar positive ambitions?
Being aware is finding out the root cause of your discomfort. Ask yourself “Why am I feeling like this?”, “What’s affecting me?” and “What could I do to feel better” and start evaluating yourself from your internal thoughts to your external environment. Don’t fall into the trap of self denial by avoiding issues that involve connecting with your reality. Be completely truthful and get ready for the wonderful insights you’ll get from this exercise.
Take Control
Once you know what is the cause, resolve to keep it under control by taking action. If you know you’ll crumble under the negativity of skeptical people, kick them out of your life. Don’t feel remorseful about doing that. What’s the point of staying true to people who’s waiting for a chance to pounce on you and make snide remarks such as “See, I told you it won’t work” or “Sometimes, it’s better not to bite more than you can chew”? Start getting to know another bunch of friends who’ll encourage you and see you through the road of success. For example, if you’ve always wanted to author a book, participate in writing clubs that’ll hook you up with like minded folks, who’ll love to read and edit your drafts for you.
If you know that you’re feeling insecure of your goal because you can’t see where you’re heading towards, learn to draft out a goal plan and build up little morale boosters along the way. Talk to successful people who have been there, done that to get better visibility of what you can achieve. Watch self help videos, listen to motivational audios everyday to keep yourself uplifted.
As you strive to take control, you’ll notice a complete makeover of your internal constitution such that no cynical comments can seep through. And when you eventually succeed, it’s your turn to have the last laugh. Ha Ha Ha.
Passion & Money, Which Comes First?
By Ellesse Chow
In a survey conducted many years ago, 1,500 people were asked that very same question and were then separated in 2 different categories based on their feedback. Category A believed that money was their priority and would consider doing what they want to do later. 1,245 people went into that group. Category B, made up of 255 people preferred going after their passion and trust that money would follow subsequently.
What do you think happened to both groups 20 years later?
Out of 1,500 people in the whole group, 101 of them became millionaires. Only one came from Category A. The remaining 100 of the millionaires all came from Category B.
Category B!
That was the group which had decided they would pursue their passion first with money coming in later. That was the same group which delayed their gratification, knowing that their strong faith and love for what they were doing would manifest its true potential. That was probably the same group which was sniggered at by their friends for their seemingly lofty yet unpractical dreams.
And yes, that was also the group I would have chosen to be in.
What about you? Which would you select?
What was the Implication?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to imply that choosing to go after your passion means you’re set to become a millionaire. Nor am I trying to imply that becoming a millionaire means you’ll be happy and successful in life. There’s no direct correlation and I’m sure you’re fully aware of that :)
But the survey reveals something that’s pretty insightful.
When you’ve decided to go after your passion intensely and wholeheartedly, your burning desire and faith will open up new opportunities in your life, making sure you achieve what you set your mind on. In whatever form you’ve decided it to be. And in whatever time you’ve planned to realize it.
Be it monetary compensation. Or personal gratification. Be it now. Or a few years later.
My Friend’s Story
Many years ago, when most of her University classmates were wearing corporate suits and working in air conditioned offices in the downtown central business district, my good friend decided she wanted nothing of that.
She quit her first job as a web journalist in a now defunct subsidiary unit of the local television network to work as a project manager under a local celebrity director for a meager pay. She wanted to learn more about TV & movie production, a long time passion incubated since her high school days acting in school plays.
She endured erratic working hours, sometimes being awaken in the middle of the night by her boss to rush down to his place for a meeting over an “ingenious” idea. She suffered delays in getting her pay cheque when the local media industry was experiencing a slump. She even had to be a nanny at times, babysitting her boss’ young children while they were away.
During that time, though most of us marveled at her “luck” to be able to work under a celebrity, we openly encouraged her to leave her boss. Although she took our advice and left to try out a marketing stint in another company, it was not long before she crossed swords with her passion again.
A contact from her former job called her up to partner in a media production house and she had never looked back since. The partnership grew in strength and was later acquired by a large conglomerate. With freshly injected funds, her team received many new overseas working opportunities and contracts.
From what I know, she’s preparing to get her company listed and if nothing goes wrong, she’ll be the first half a millionaire among my peers. A maverick. Rewarded for her efforts because she believed in herself.
And her passion.
Why You Should Go After Your Passion First
Perhaps you may be thinking “Oh, that’s easier said than done. I’m not as lucky as your friend” or “I’m the sole breadwinner. My whole family depends on my income and I can’t jolly well ditch it to become a professional singer!”
I’m not denying what you’re saying is true. But nobody’s asking you to leave your bread and butter now to work on your passion. Plan. If you want to be a professional singer, send your demo tapes to the recording companies while you’re still working for money. Or sing in bars, lounges for a side income while getting some exposure. There are so many possibilities.
And take heed, you create your own luck. Do you think my friend would be asked to go into a partnership had she been a lousy worker? Do you think their company would be acquired if it was doing badly? It’s precisely because she’s working her butt off something she loved that she was able to generate all that good karma.
Here are a few more good reasons :
1. Higher Vibes & Energy. By the time you’ve decided to work on your passion or interest after you’ve earned enough money, you may lack the energy to pursue it. Ask yourself, if it’s your dream to be a professional soccer player, do you think you still have the stamina to be one in your forties?
2. Lower Opportunity Costs The earlier you’ve decided to work on your passion, the lesser opportunity costs you have. It’s not a coincidence why so many of the Silicon Valley successes are so young. Facebook’s founder & CEO Mark Zuckerberg, for example was only 22 years old when he dropped out of his sophomore year in Harvard to focus fully on the social networking site. What has he got to lose even if he fails? A year in college that he can still resume if he wants to?
3. Guaranteed Returns. You’ll definitely win. Yes, even when you may have seemingly failed. The wonderful memories of having pursued something you loved is enough to keep you smiling, even when you’re on your death bed.
In a survey conducted many years ago, 1,500 people were asked that very same question and were then separated in 2 different categories based on their feedback. Category A believed that money was their priority and would consider doing what they want to do later. 1,245 people went into that group. Category B, made up of 255 people preferred going after their passion and trust that money would follow subsequently.
What do you think happened to both groups 20 years later?
Out of 1,500 people in the whole group, 101 of them became millionaires. Only one came from Category A. The remaining 100 of the millionaires all came from Category B.
Category B!
That was the group which had decided they would pursue their passion first with money coming in later. That was the same group which delayed their gratification, knowing that their strong faith and love for what they were doing would manifest its true potential. That was probably the same group which was sniggered at by their friends for their seemingly lofty yet unpractical dreams.
And yes, that was also the group I would have chosen to be in.
What about you? Which would you select?
What was the Implication?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to imply that choosing to go after your passion means you’re set to become a millionaire. Nor am I trying to imply that becoming a millionaire means you’ll be happy and successful in life. There’s no direct correlation and I’m sure you’re fully aware of that :)
But the survey reveals something that’s pretty insightful.
When you’ve decided to go after your passion intensely and wholeheartedly, your burning desire and faith will open up new opportunities in your life, making sure you achieve what you set your mind on. In whatever form you’ve decided it to be. And in whatever time you’ve planned to realize it.
Be it monetary compensation. Or personal gratification. Be it now. Or a few years later.
My Friend’s Story
Many years ago, when most of her University classmates were wearing corporate suits and working in air conditioned offices in the downtown central business district, my good friend decided she wanted nothing of that.
She quit her first job as a web journalist in a now defunct subsidiary unit of the local television network to work as a project manager under a local celebrity director for a meager pay. She wanted to learn more about TV & movie production, a long time passion incubated since her high school days acting in school plays.
She endured erratic working hours, sometimes being awaken in the middle of the night by her boss to rush down to his place for a meeting over an “ingenious” idea. She suffered delays in getting her pay cheque when the local media industry was experiencing a slump. She even had to be a nanny at times, babysitting her boss’ young children while they were away.
During that time, though most of us marveled at her “luck” to be able to work under a celebrity, we openly encouraged her to leave her boss. Although she took our advice and left to try out a marketing stint in another company, it was not long before she crossed swords with her passion again.
A contact from her former job called her up to partner in a media production house and she had never looked back since. The partnership grew in strength and was later acquired by a large conglomerate. With freshly injected funds, her team received many new overseas working opportunities and contracts.
From what I know, she’s preparing to get her company listed and if nothing goes wrong, she’ll be the first half a millionaire among my peers. A maverick. Rewarded for her efforts because she believed in herself.
And her passion.
Why You Should Go After Your Passion First
Perhaps you may be thinking “Oh, that’s easier said than done. I’m not as lucky as your friend” or “I’m the sole breadwinner. My whole family depends on my income and I can’t jolly well ditch it to become a professional singer!”
I’m not denying what you’re saying is true. But nobody’s asking you to leave your bread and butter now to work on your passion. Plan. If you want to be a professional singer, send your demo tapes to the recording companies while you’re still working for money. Or sing in bars, lounges for a side income while getting some exposure. There are so many possibilities.
And take heed, you create your own luck. Do you think my friend would be asked to go into a partnership had she been a lousy worker? Do you think their company would be acquired if it was doing badly? It’s precisely because she’s working her butt off something she loved that she was able to generate all that good karma.
Here are a few more good reasons :
1. Higher Vibes & Energy. By the time you’ve decided to work on your passion or interest after you’ve earned enough money, you may lack the energy to pursue it. Ask yourself, if it’s your dream to be a professional soccer player, do you think you still have the stamina to be one in your forties?
2. Lower Opportunity Costs The earlier you’ve decided to work on your passion, the lesser opportunity costs you have. It’s not a coincidence why so many of the Silicon Valley successes are so young. Facebook’s founder & CEO Mark Zuckerberg, for example was only 22 years old when he dropped out of his sophomore year in Harvard to focus fully on the social networking site. What has he got to lose even if he fails? A year in college that he can still resume if he wants to?
3. Guaranteed Returns. You’ll definitely win. Yes, even when you may have seemingly failed. The wonderful memories of having pursued something you loved is enough to keep you smiling, even when you’re on your death bed.
Friday, October 12, 2007
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You'll Change The World As An Activist!
Your philosophy? Make it happen! With your big heart and willingness to take initiative, it should be no surprise that you’ll change the world through your direct actions. While others might be more content working behind the scenes, a direct go-getter like you is more fulfilled by working on the front lines.
Willing to roll up your sleeves and get the job done, you know the world won’t wait for others. Whether you’re volunteering at a soup kitchen in your own backyard, or joining the Peace Corps to learn from and help others in developing countries, chances are, you know every individual can help make big change.